yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
