I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
