You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
