WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
