i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
