i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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