Jerry, you need to find god
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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