There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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