it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
