so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
