Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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