hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
