So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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