no, he came in my armpit
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
