I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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