Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
