you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The best revenge is premature balding
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
