Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
