Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
