he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
