sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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