There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
