he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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