is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
