kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
