So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
