I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
