I heard we made out
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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