i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
