Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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