Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
