The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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