You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize