You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
