My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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