My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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