We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
