Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
