I'm gonna have a badass scar
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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