There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
