I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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