Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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