Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
