I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
