I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Two words: blizzard sex
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
