@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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