somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
