awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
