You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If that was your dad, he is hot
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Randomize
