I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
