It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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