Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
