On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
