Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
