You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
