omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
