Where are you?
In a non slutty way
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
