i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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