I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
