i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
