lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
