Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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