I got chris browned last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
