The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
