It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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