i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The air taste purple.
Randomize