So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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