Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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