the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
