You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
