in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
