it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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