Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize