Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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